Diary of Anais Nin, Volume 3 by Anais Nin

Author:Anais Nin [Nin, Anais]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

The next day Luise had found a way to wound me. "I am reading what you wrote about June. I feel like June, and I took her side against you."

Was this her revenge for my trying to substitute a doctor for care and help which she wanted from me directly?

We did not see each other for several days. I had begun to withdraw from a friendship which was destructive for me, for we now shared only her anguish and no pleasures together. She called me. A different duel began. She asked me to revise a play someone else had written. It was so alien to my thought and style that I could not do it. "The patches would show," I said lightly.

"Then write a play for me."

"I thought I had already done that writing about June and Henry."

"But June has to win."

"In love nobody wins, Luise."

Where before she showed me only her softness, now she seemed intent on proving the power of her will. She had warned me that I did not see the other side of her. Now I could see the patterns of her relationships. First total abandon, empathy, symbiosis. Then a demand for the total giving of one's self, an impossible absolute. If what she needed was not forthcoming, then the relationship had to be destroyed. I could not give her all the time and care she wanted.

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